


Tomorrow's lost

by devs



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Complete, First War with Voldemort, I'm Bad At Tagging, M/M, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Pranks and Practical Jokes, Slow Burn, Top Remus Lupin, because how could he not be, david bowie is the soundtrack, oh did i mention the war is coming, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-13
Updated: 2021-01-13
Packaged: 2021-03-18 01:28:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28734954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/devs/pseuds/devs
Summary: Their own war started beautifully: with David Bowie playing in the background and kisses. And a blowjob.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 6
Kudos: 24





	Tomorrow's lost

**Author's Note:**

  * For [rutson](https://archiveofourown.org/users/rutson/gifts).



#### 1994

How he hated the map.

It wasn't easy to walk through the castle corridors and not think about the past - however pathetic it might sound - but he did his best. Now past was screaming at him from a piece of paper.

It made him think about the beginnings. Usually when they are mentioned - at least in those days - people meant October 31, 1981. The night Harry lost his parents. But, at one time, another Halloween was more important.

He stare at the map. Sign of a long forgotten era, four signatures asking professor Lupin to misbehave one more time.

### SIXTH YEAR

#### 1977, October 27th

It was almost bedtime. Bowie's been playing second time this night, Peter was already in his pajamas and Remus wished he didn't tell them.

"How fun can it possibly be, dressing up for Halloween, if we are already witches and wizards? Damn, I could have sworn there are some vampires in Slytherins", he said, as James tried to bewitch own hair into actual flames. A little spark came from his wand, jumped over boy's shoulder and set among others in brown shag. Still, no flames.

"What are you dressing up as?" Peter asked, lying on the bed and chewing a chocolate frog.

"Great and mighty Gryffindor, of course!" James said, "I'll have a red robe, flaming hair, and a proper sword. I've already found a suitable one, the armor on the second floor is quite well equipped. All the girls - and I mean especially one of them - will go crazy for me."

"Gryffindor, for sure, didn't have flames on his head, Prongs. Come one, shouldn't our costumes be scary, not pathetic?" Sirius interrupted. He was sitting on the bed across Remus, pressing one foot into his ribcage, pushing. "Moony? Tell us."

Remus just sighed and reminded himself to keep quiet next time someone asks him what are muggles traditions they might not know about. Sirius' sock has a hole on the toes, he noticed.

"Yeah, whatever" Remus said, "it should be scary. That's because muggles are afraid of magic, you know, so again: what's the point in celebrating something that put us apart? We should throw a party in honor of, I don't know, mutual friendship or against the war. It is real, you can't just act like it's not."

He didn't mean to sound so dark, it just slipped. James looked a little shocked, Peter squealed like a rat and Sirius just froze; Remus felt his muscles tighten. Now this, great.

"I mean, it's all fun and games, but..." he tried to explain, when James approached them, moved Sirius away and grabbed him by the shoulders. Half crouching, half bending over him, he speaks very slowly, very calmly. "Remus, we know. This time next year we'll be filling our questionnaires to Aurors training program, right? We'll join Dumbledore's however called army, that's clear and set. We will fight and bleed and, don't look at me like that, some of us might die. Not our four, shit, but the people we know and care about. So please, get this stick out of your arse and let others have a little distraction from what is coming. They deserve it."

Remus blinked. James sounded different than usual, as if he had already fought Death Eaterer more than once; like he lived a whole life that's only supposed to come. Remus felt his strong fingers digging into his shoulder blades. Sirius watched them from a feet away, his back pressed against a column of the bed.

"Mhm. Sorry" came from Remus's pressed lips like a curse.

"Great" said James louder, letting him go. He stood up and smiled politely.

"Wormtail, you can dress up however you like. On the other hand... I bet those fourth year girls will go madly for some old fahsioned Ripper, don't you think? We can borrow scythe from gamekeeper's hut, eh?"

Peter smiled and noded. So it's settled then: proper Halloween party, first one to be held at Hogwarts. Remus kicked Sirius out of his bed and pulled curtains close.

#### 1977, October 28th

Next day greeted them with heavy rain in the morning. It started as usual - well, it's Scotland after all - but as soon as the afternoon came, thunders followed.

With first murmur Remus thought he misheard, but when another lightning struck and showered their classroom with light, it couldn't be mistaken. Strange, storm this late in autumn.

McGonagall frowned, her wand halfway in charm already, with tea cup starting to grow tiny mouse legs. It tried to crawl; Lily let out a queit gasp, but it looked like McGonagall forgot her task. She left the mouse-mug on the desk behind her and walked over to look out of the window.

"What's wrong, professor?" Asked younger Patil boy, trying to take a look from his second-row desk. McGonagall hushed him with a wave of both hands and quiet "ts, ts". She stared few more seconds, searching for something in the dark and cloudy sky, and when another thounder growls, she nodded.

"She went completly mad" Peter whispered to Remus. They were sitting together, parchments and books a mess on their desk. Blot of atrament from Peter's pen is starting to grow, as he didn't notice he pressed it to the paper for to long.

Remus did a quick search in his mind, but neither dark creatures nor magic should bring that kind of weather. And, other than that, what for?

"Class, it's all for today. Be sure to hand me your essays on small mammals transfiguration next monday" said McGonagall suddenly. They would be mad not to take the opportunity.

"So much of a quidditch practise" said Sirius, as four of them walked back into their tower. James, jumping two steps at a time, stopped and turned around to face him.

"Are you kidding me? What if there'll be storm during our game with Ravenclaws? We a r e going to train" said James and hurried Fat Lady to open the entrance faster. He jumped through a portrait hole and led them up to their room.

"Prongs" moaned Sirius, "you are mad. No one will show - I won't show - and you'll be the only one to get all dirty in this hell of a mud." But James opened door to their dormitory with more force than necessary and looked for his quidditch robes. He started changing into them, not minding other boys in the room. It seemed like hard conditions doubled his excitement.

"I don't like this at all" said Peter skeptically, but nonetheless he took out warm sweater from his trunk and changed as well. Others eyed him curiously.

"What I don't want him to got struck by a freaking lightning or fall from his broom without anyone noticing. You can't even see the pitch from the castle, it got dark like under the Salazar's bed" said Peter.

"Whoa, Worms, you are special" praised Sirius, mockingly, "I wouldn't go out even if there were team of Veelas training."

"He's a friend, you know" said James, grinning madly. He jumped in place, warming up muscles. "Not like you, he really cares about me!"

Remus watched from his bed as they both tied their shoes and secured them with a spell against untying laces.

"I'll show you how to make your glasses waterproof" Peter offered. He grabbed warm jacket and opened the door. They both left, chatting silently about quidditch tactics and spells that warm up broom handle.

"Unbelievable" Sirius said, "what are we going to do, then?"

Remus looked at him in surprise. "Uhm, I don't know about you, but-"

"Moons."

"...but I'll be doing our assignment on potions. The deadline for submitting essays is in three days, if you do not remember" Remus said. He reheated up tea he had bring from dinner, cinnamon and apples, and then set a book on the nightstand alongside his quill. He took the parchments out of the bag and began flipping through them for a blank sheet, then fished out another book from under the bed.

"You no coming downstairs?" Asked Sirius.

"Nghn" Remus replied, "I don't need a group of fourth years asking me about DADAs again, last time it took me nearly four hours to teach them how to defend against boggarts."

Sirius looked at him with amusement.

"You literally found a boggart in the castle and played a show out there, didn't you? I'm sure it would take a little less time if you just told them wich page they should reread. But the awe in their eyes, dear Merlin... They adore your private lessons and you love it."

Remus just smiled. He settled down on bed and started taking notes on veritaserum. Sirius stand up from his bed, chose a record and set the the needle somewhere in the middle of a vinyl. T. Rex started to play:

_Baby I'm not crazy_

_A rush ain't no crush it's a trip_

_But learning on a journey..._

"You mind?" Sirius asked. Remus rolled his eyes, "I'm quite used to your constant need to listen same songs agains and again."

"It's not like you don't like them, either." Sirius said and stepped forward, his knees eventually nudging Remus's bed.

"You mind?" Sirius repeated. He's welcomed by an arched eyebrow, a sigh and parchments being moved to the other side of the bed. Sirius crawled next to Remus, tried to settle comfortable, spinning like a dog - Remus almost huffed a laugh at that thought - and finally pushed himself against the other boy.

"Pet me" he required. This time Remus let out a chuckle. He lifted his book up, so that Sirius can fit even more closely and then set it open at other's boy ribcage. It rose and fell in a steady rhythm, but he didn't mind. He balanced book with one hand, and digged the other under, steadying it around Sirius's neck. He played with his hair, pulling and winding them up around his fingers.

"s much bettah than quidditch" he heard Sirius mumbling into his sheets. Sigh - or something more like a quiet groan - followed and he fell asleep in seconds.  
Remus was left to steady breathing and T.Rex being interrupted by a lightings.

_Veritaserum is one of the most powerful of them all, but it must be remembered that it only shows what the drinker himself believes is true. Therefore, if some witch or wizard is not considered completely sane, the result may..._

Remus underlined it and then drifted off a little, imaging what would his answers be if someone made him drink the elixir. Maybe he could just say half truths? Focus on something not important yet matching the subject. He couldn't remember anyone mentioning it, nor in DADA coursebook nor in the Dark Crafts: theory behind the curse and poisons, which he begged Dumbledore to let him borrow from forbidden books department. He should try that at some point; it's better be safe than sorry. Not with boys, obviously. Lily would understand, she would help him with stealing some of the mixture once it's done and then secured him during the process without making much fuss. He'll ask her first thing tomorrow, yes.

He almost got back to reading, when other, more terrific thought hit him: what if someone make an unbreakable vow and then drinks veritaserum? It may be suicidal, but maybe - has noone ever thought about that before? - maybe it can safe the drinker from telling the truth? Which one is more powerfull? Remus, trying not to wake Sirius resting underneath his book, wrote down "vow" next to the passage about truth elixirs and mindlessly played with feathery end of his pen. Not that he'll be answering such questions at his N.E.W.T. tests, but it might work as another security level to cover for them, when in war.

He couldn't precisely tell when it started; first, it was just innocent curiosity about wandless magic and dark arts defence - simply the cooler subject there was to learn. It mixed all the best parts from elixirs, transfiguration and spells. And, of course, knowledge about dark creatures like himself. Year or two later, he came to realization that this may be the only way to have an advantage in fight with Death Eaters. Surely, they won't be casting jinx at them, no prank will lead them out to safety.

He tried to focus on the book again, but couldn't. Dumbledore, of course, encouraged him in this strange hobby. When in detentions, others had to clean bathrooms or cauldrons, but he - he always got library assignments. Reading and writing essays on dementors or giants seemed rather like a prize, but he knew better. Dumbledore's twisted logic applied: the headmaster must have thought that he's giving him something he'd rather not took part in. It might be only delayed in time, but it will come crashing into him like a train he can't see coming just yet, Remus knew that.

But, giving a chance to choose anyway, was there anything else he could do after graduating school? There was no place for werewolves in this world, he needed to fight for one. He was just happy he'll be given a chance; he would do a lot to protect the set of principles that headmaster was defending.

He set book aside and instead of reading, just played more with Sirius' hair. He might as well fall with him asleep; quick nap never hurt nobody.

#### October 30th

Within two days, invitations began to spread. They didn't hang any posters next to the fireplace like they usually do; this time it was low key and draped in mystery. There was even a rumor that said marauders hunted down dangerous creatures in Forbidden Forests and plan to free them around midnight. People went mad. They tried to persuade Remus to - for Merlin's sake - reveal what special effects marauders planned and which illegal substances they'll offer at the party. And if Remus ever finds out who came with the idea of bringing centaur's absynth into game, he will throw a proper drama at them.

In his wildest dreams he couldn't imagined - morning before the H-incident, as younger students started to call it - dozen of owls carrying strange packages with plastic body parts, false fangs, plush spiders and paper-mache bats, which they unpacked next to pumpkin juice at the breakfest. Girls were trying their makeups: all dark and gloomy, but still kinda sexy. Someone even persuaded house elves to make all sort of themed sweets (Peter, probably) and now they wouldn't stop popping around them with different questions, like "Sirs, do you wish for your fake arm cake to be covered in actual blood or something sweeter?" or "Should the charm on crawling sweet spiders remain AFTER they are eaten or not?" or "We can make a goblet full of wine that will refill itself, but only if we'll get the sample of specific wine you want it to be refilled, sir". It reminded Remus how powerfull they really are. Why didn't they started a rebelion yet, he can only wonder.

And about costumes, yes. James'll go with Gryffindor, Peter will be Death Ripper and Remus agreed on being Dorian Gray - all pale and aristocratic, with little pocket-picture of himself. He didn't tell them that, in fact, it's one of his biggest fear: outliving the one you love, staying behind and facing world alone again.

But Sirius, oh, Sirius was surprisingly quiet. Nobody knew who he was going to disguise as or even if he would turn up. He waved away all question about it, so marauders stopped asking at some point.

The day went by, night fell and finally it was October 31st.

#### October 31st

Remus didn't wake until all others were already dressed up and ready for breakfast. He's a sleeper, no Halloween party was going to change that.

"Come one, wake up" James shouted, "we need to bring firewhisky from Hogsmeade and prepare the common room! I went to McGonagall already and said you're not feeling well, and that I'm gonna stay with you just in case. Peter will bring us something to eat."

"What? We have elixirs in one hour and then..."

"...I know, then mine muggle studies and your runes, followed by history of magic. Dull. We don't need to go, I promised McG we'll catch up. Boys will take notes for us."

"But I want to go" Remus tried again. He really should, he promised Lily to help with their last assignment about some romantic novel translation as a side project for runes. Or maybe other way around, as she was obviously better at translating them than he was.

"You see? Let me help, Remus will go to classes and I'll help decorate the room" Peter begged, sparks in his eyes. Remus noticed he has already painted nails black and hanged a elegant robe next to the closet

"No, Wormtail, we talked about it" James tried not to sound irritated, "It was easier this way. I said Moony is aching before next full and still it barely passed as McGonagall wanted him to visit Madame Pomfrey."

"Tossers" Peter said and grabbed his bag. "Sirius, are you coming? Let's split our group like in the muggle horrors I saw, it will be for the best. Maybe some monster will eat them alive for having more fun that we will."

"When did you started watching muggle movies?" Remus asked, and then he wanted to protests James' plan again, but Sirius finally came out of the bathroom.

"You ready?" He asked and, not waiting for a reply, wave them goodbye. Peter hurried after him. James pulled out cloak of invisibility from his trunk and grinned.

"Dear Merlin, at least let me change into actual clothes, will you?" Remus said.

***

They chose the passage under the statue of the one-eyed witch. Remus didn't quite liked underground tunnels. As they climbed inside , he tried not to think about masses of dirt above them, about rocks and worms and bones of dead animals. It felt like if his mouth was full with soil. He speeded up and James just hummed in agreement. Not an underground person either, he feels a lot better when flying.

It was other way around with Peter, Remus thought as they walked in steady pace. He didn't mind being underground or staying in small, closed spaces. Perhaps it had something to do with his animagus.

"Why does Peter care so much about the party?" Remus asked.

"Hmh. When we were little, I think there were some kids going from house to house asking for sweets for Halloween" James said. "You know, the popular kids, girls in short skirts and ponytails, boys with baseball caps and so. Worms just never happen to be invited and was to scare to go alone, I think."

"You?"

"We didn't celebrate Halloween, mommy always said it was only funny muggle tradition..."

"...which didn't stop her from decorating the house for Christmas, didn't it?"

"Yeah, quite" James laughed. "Maybe it had more to do with security? I can imagine my stupid seven year old self, who tries to persuade other boys that witches are real and I'm all magic."

Remus snorted.

"Well, no one was letting us go collecting sweets either" he said, "I mean, older boys were allowed to go but of I remember correctly, more than twice it ended up in some attempt at robbing the candy store next corner. Good thing it was Halloween and owner was in a good mood. Stealing was easier for them than asking for something, I think. For us."

"Fair enough" James said. Remus thought about the real monster that was hidden in the care home basements: himelf, a werewolf puppy. He kind of wanted to say that aloud, but didn't want James to worry and apologize for not being sensitive. He didn't felt hurt, after all.

He liked the idea of just the two of them talking and doing things; usually it was Sirius who got most of the attention from both of them. They walked in silence after that and in ten or fifteen minutes, they found himself under the flap to the Honeydukes.

James went first and after a while he knocked on the lid, letting Remus know it's safe out there. Under the cloak they went up the stairs and into the almost empty store. It was strange first time they did it: usually full of students, loud talks and laugh. Now it looked almost abandon.

They walked out and, trying not to slip and fall into mud covering the street, they went into the even more dirty backstreet, leading them almost to the end of a village.

A worn-out wooden sign was hanged over the door, welcoming them with a wild boar’s severed head. Hog's Head was usually cheaper then Three Broomsticks, but this time it was not about money. It might have been the only place which will sell them this many bottles of firewhisky without asking questions.

Inside, a very dirty room smelled strongly of goats. The bay windows were so disgustingly dirty, that not much daylight could enter inside. The bar was lit with the candles sitting on wooden tables and the floor was covered with filth. Same old, same old.

There weren't many people inside. An older witch was sitting next to the fireplace and drinks some neon-red cocktail. She looked quite sad - or maybe just tired. On the other side of the bar three man, hoods covering their eyes, were whispering, looking around every minute as if someone could overhear them.

The bartender didn't even ask them why they order eleven bottles of firewhisky this early in the morning. He looked rather amused and - if Remus didn't know better - proud, even.

"Boys, boys, very well, just don't tell Albus where you got it from" he said.

"Sure" Remus promised. Dumbledore knew anyway, perhaps.

James paid and levitated bottles outside. Remus was about to leave too, but something caught his attention. A poster hung next to the door; it was hard to see in the low light, so he stepped closer. "If you see this, please visit your nearest Auror office or send an owl to our department" said the paper. Beneath the letters was a picture of a strange symbol: a skull with a snake's tongue.

"You coming?" James asked, putting his head through the ajar door. It was a strange feeling, as if Remus had left his wand in the pocket of another robe - and certainly had not.

"James? Care to look at this, will you?" He asked, but other boy was already outside. Remus looked at the poster one more time, trying to remember the symbol, and left.

But the feeling stayed. He walked with it just under the skin the whole way back into the Honeydukes and to the Hogwarts. Their little trip took them almost three hours. Hunger kicked in and Remus prayed that Peter did not forget to bring them lunch.

But of course the food was there: two sets of vegetarian soup, pulled pork sandwiches, and a carrot cake for dessert. James rushed him as if they were going to be late for a Rolling Stones concert. His excitement, too, was similar.

"Right" he said, "I've been collecting things..."

"...excuse me?"

"...with Sirius and Peter, I mean. We ordered some decoration from muggle store and Lily helped us. It all came to her parents house and then here by the owls."

"I can't believe she didn't told me" gasped Remus, "She's a head girl, for Merlin's sake! She should do everything to stop it from happening, not helping..."

"Moony. Firstly, I'm head boy as well and have you ever seen me stopping us from having fun?"

"But we are friends."

"So is Lily" James said firmly and blushed. "Secondly, don't go into that serious prof. Lupin mode again. Girls want to have fun as well, before the world collapses. Have you ever thought about their sacrifice for a moment?"

"Pardon?"

"Sure you didn't. I bet that - no matter the war - it's not something you think about in the evenings. But not everything's about you being a werewolf" James said gently. "In a few years' time, girls will have to decide whether this is the right time to get pregnant or not, Remus. Some wonder if they will live long enough to ever raise a child. Others are scared to death because what world will they bring their children to? Maybe it is more responsible not to have children? And, on top of that, think of mixed muggle and wizard couples. They will have to fight or hide. And no matter what they choose, it will not be conducive to having a baby. Hell of a choice."

Remus sgihed. He might be the best in defense against the dark arts, but it's James who will be listened to by others.

"You're right. Sorry. It seems I'm little overstressed about this whole party" he said quietly and placed a hand over James's shoulder. "You'll do good."

"Of course I bloody will, we've got seven boxes full of muggle decoration and I haven't mention spells yet" James replied cheerfully and handed him one of the whiskey bottles.

They decorated common room with muggle things first. James pinned garlands of paper bats and ghosts to the walls across the room and added some magic sparkle to them. Some of bats looked like they wanted to escape the string, so Remus thought of few more charms to help them later; it'll be nice touch. They covered corners with fake spiders web and placed some plastic skeletons on sofas. Remus smiled, finally. He was sitting next to the fireplace, building fake graveyard, when he heard familiar bark. Next second there was something wet digging into his palms.

"Padfoot, hey, you can't eat that. It's styrofoam, not actual bones, you beast" said Remus, but the dog stole the bone already and was now running across the room to meet James. It looked very content with itself.

Padfoot jumped into James's lap, trying to get his attention. It's easier this way, Remus thought. James scratched the dog behind the ears, then began to rub it under his chin.

"What are you doing here, anyway? Aren't you supposed to have history now?" James asked happily, but dog only tilted his head and tapped his paws on the floor.

"Yeah, dogs don't do classes, they prefer to play fetch or lie belly up, begging for scratches" said James, his voice a little higher than usual. Oh Merlin, Remus thought. Why is he being so silly arond Padfoot, it's not like Sirius won't remeber that once he'll change into his human self.

Speaking of which, it was happening now; good thing there was no one else in the room. Not that Sirius cared. As James was petting him, dog stretched, yawned and began to transform. Remus watched in awe as his body was beginning to look more and more human. Tanned James's palm looked brutal against suddenly pale skin on the other boy's belly. Someone - Padfoot or Sirius already, it was hard to tell - licked James's hands; pink tongue between his fingers. Remus felt something warm inside, like a long shot of firewhisky running through his gullet.

And in seconds, Padfoot was gone. James had thrown him off his lap and now Sirius was just lying there on the floor with a wide smile on his face. Did he winked?

"You flirtatious thing" James said mockingly, "you would fuck anything, wouldn't you?"  
Sirius showed him tounge. "But seriously, why are you here?" Asked James.

"I was afraid you two will ruin the party" Sirius replied and blocked friendly punch from James without a second thought.

"Right. You can help, actually. Go to the gamekeeper hut and bring Peter his scythe, then you can look for my sword" James ordered. Sirius looked around the room one last time. He seemed to like it.

"Paddfoot" Remus cleared his throat, "you never told us what you are going to wear tonight." But the other boy's already by the portrait hole. They'll find out anyway.

***

Lessons ended at four, then there was dinner and at the end Peter met the three of them in the dormitory.

They went to the bathroom together, Peter sat nervously at the toilet and James stood next to him with palette of what might be ladys make-up set. He giggled.

Sirius thrown himself into the empty bathtub, long and skinny legs out, with Remus sitting next to him on the porcelain edge. He opened bottle of firewhisky and took a sip before passing it to the other boy.

"Okay, ehm, your face is too pink, so I think we should start with the whites" James said as if he was one of the host in muggle, makeover tv series; only little less sure about what he's actually doing. He dipped his fingers in white powder and then smeared the substance across Peter's face. He repeated, but more stayed at his shirt as he snorted from too much dust in the air. He cleared his throat with alcohol and came back to work.

"I'll do yours, it'll be safer" Sirius whispered to Remus in amusement, as James fought with black pencil and tried to draw dark circle around Peter's eyes - like in a skull. Peter squeezed his eyes shut tight every few seconds and pleaded with James not to gouge his eyes out. Just as he was about to finish his first eye, he pressed hard on the pencil, which broke, leaving a long, dark mark on Peter's cheek.

Peter looked like a five year old kid who stole his mother mascara.

"Dear Merlin, darling, leave it" Sirius said finally, standing from the bathtub and showing James away. He cast a clearing charm on Peter and started over.

Sirius mixed powder with water and produced white cream, which he spread across Peter's skin with little sponge. Then he took black pencil and with steady moves drew both circles around Peter's eyes. He added a little shadowing on his cheeks and started to work with eyeliner on his lips, drawing fake teeths.

When he drew something off the line, he wetted his finger with saliva and cleaned it by hand, instead of doing it with overpowered charm. Remus stared as Sirius finished, his long fingers smearing black paint at corners of Peter's mouth.

"There, almost done" Sirius said proudly. Peter did in fact looked like a skull alive, which might be only slightly disturbing. Sirius then stood, pointed his wand at other boy and before any of them had chance to say something, he charmed his eyes to blacken as well. James clapped.

"Petey, you look amazing" James said, suddenly unsure about his own choice of costume. Sirius laughed and shooed them both away. After James and Peter left the bathroom, he closed the door.

"I don't want any distraction, Mr Gray" he said and moved his chair near the bathtub. Remus spread his legs, so Sirius could get close enough to reach him.

"Lift your face for me, will you?" Sirius asked and helped himself gently, turning Remus to the light.

"Where did you learn to do makeup?"

"No talking for you, Moons, if you move too much I won't be able to do it properly" Sirius hushed him. "Well, I can tell you a story if you want to. But stay still and try not to blink like that."

Remus blinked. Sirius took some powder with his fingers - sponge forgotten - and started to paint on Remus's face with slow, precisely motions.

"I was nine years old, it was almost Christmas" Sirius said, "and my dear cousin Bella was staying at Grimmauld Place with us and so were some others. My father set a party for all the pure blood families which Blacks are in pack with and so I was told to dress nicely. It was supposed to be my first winter party ever, earlier they only let me watch preparation."

Remus closed his eyes and listened. Sirius fingers are working so slow, touching every inch of his skin and leaving delicate whiteness behind; it's more pleasant than it should be.

"I was excited" Sirius continued, "so when the guests started to gather up I came downstairs in a festive robe. At the bottom of the stairs, I met Bella. She whisper-yelled at me about not being properly dressed up. A disaster about to happen! If only other could see me, heir of The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black, not prepared as he should? She grabbed me by the shoulder and lead back upstairs, to her temporary room."

Sirius put down the powder and spray gray paint over half of Remus' hair; then glued the petals made of artificial leather - they asked house elfes to prepare it from wax earlier - on one side of Remus's cheek. It looked like he's just falling apart.

Maybe he really is, he thought, as Sirius moved even closer, their legs colliding. He felt something warm pressed against his knee, but didn't dare to look.

"We went in" Sirius said after a while, "and she pulled out her whole makeup kit. She said that it's terribly important for every witch and wizard to have eyes and lips done. Nobody had told me this before, so I objected. But she just laughed at me and pointed to her own face; her makeup was actually much darker and heavier than usual. You can go without, why should I bother, she said. But don't come back to me crying if they laugh at you. I was only nine, and all those elegant witches and wizards were down there. So I let her; it was quite nice and she did her best, explaining everything she was doing."

Sirius paused and blew in his face, drying the glue. He smelled like whiskey and something too sweet, maybe caramel. Remus closed his eyes. Seconds after, he felt eyeliner at his lids, followed by mascara.

"Of course, it was a joke" Sirius said, "I went downstairs again, very proud of myself, and everyone just kept staring at me. My father was furious, but I didn't want to tell him why I was painted. The fact that I had been fooled by Bella made me even worse. Father showed me back to my room and then- uhm, well, so that's the story of how I learned to do makeup."

"But you know the best part?" he asked after a pause, as Remus finally opened his eyes. "Bella taught me one more trick. If you want your lipstick to stay overnight, you shouldn't apply it directly to your lips."

And with that, Sirius put frozen pink lipstick on his own lips and then pressed them to Remus's. A kiss.

"Perfect" he said. "You are good now. We'll meet later, I need to go fetch some more juice from Hogs. We already drank three bottles, Marlene stole fourth so we are left with... eleven, right. What did you two think? Is it third year party or something? Remember, whole spooky night awaits."

Sirius smiled and - without wiping off his lipstick - left. Remus grunted almost silently and followed, but their room was now empty. He took out clothes from his trunk: black and grey robes with white stripes, a suit from different epoque. It belonged to his great grandfather, probably. It looked silly most of the time, but to Dorian Gray it would be great. After all, he was supposed to be hundreds of years old. He buttoned white shirt with a ruffle and then put on his robes.

It was almost seven, when he walked the stairs to the common room. It looked amazing: lights were dim and ceiling was charmed to look like a night sky. At the doors there were human size skeletons, pumpkin lanterns glowed mysteriously at window sills and paper bats were trying to break free from garlands. Remus silently casted a spell he thought of earlier and just let them: they broke off the string and flew across the room, leaving a silver glow behind them.  
James was sitting next to a gramophone; he placed needle on the vinyl disk and whole room was filled with:

_Let's dance_

_For fear tonight is all_

_Let's sway_

_You could look into my eyes_

_Let's sway_

_Under the moonlight, this serious moonlight_

_And if you say run..._

Remus walked to the bar and poured himself some butterbeer from enormous barrel. The barrel squawked and said, "Hello, sweetheart, it looks like it's going to be an enticing night." Somehow Remus could sense the difference; it was almost too obvious. James did his magic, too. His charms were like racing horses - fast, strong, but requiring concentration of the wizard who cast them. It was different with Sirius, Remus thought. His magic was more carefree, unbridled. Children cast such spells, only decisively weaker.

Within minutes, people started coming down to the room: a mummy, a few vampires, a mermaid and a couple of Muggle witches: with tiaras covered in glitter and gold stars, with big noses and pimples on their faces. They all look younger, different somehow.

"We are all damned" Marlene said slowly, a wicked smile on her face, when he came near her. She was smoking with the window open. Disguised as a ghost, her face and shoulders were painted white, she silvered her hair and when she was blowing smoke it almost looked as if her own soul was escaping from her body. Beautiful. She offered him a fag, but Remus mouthed "Later" and went into crowd.

He wanted to find Lily before James was done choosing the perfect music for their dance. It took seconds; she was wearing white wedding dress covered in blood. Remus felt sick, but headed toward her anyway.

"I'd like to say you look pretty, but Lily, dear-" he started, but she cut him off.

"A statement" she said. "James goes as Gryffindor not because he was powerful and fearless, no matter what he might say to you. It's about his argue with Salazar Slytherin, a statement: school should remain open for non pure bloods. Mine is: love in times of war is hard, but it's the only thing that can keep us alive. The most powerful weapon."

"You've been talking a lot lately, haven't you?"

"We-" Lily blushed. "Yes, you can say that. He's not ... He's a good friend. One day he may be more than that."

There was a spark of jealousy in Remus's mind, but he buried it deeper. He didn't want to say something unpleasant, so he excused himself away.  
Not that Lily was wrong; she wasn't. But Remus felt like he was drowning in a dark lake, all the familiar voices growing distant. He didn't know how to stop them from fading. Water was too dense for him to swim any closer to the surface.

He stopped himself. No panic attack will help him now, he needed to collect his shit together and be a good friend. They will party wild, they will dance and get wasted. He tried to locate them all, make a list, and calm his emotions. Lily was talking with James already, Marlene and Mary were smoking together, Pete was making a drink for Desdemona with his scythe up their heads. And Sirius...

The common room went "ahh", as Sirius entered. He sprayed his hair with greyish paint and did dark makeup with mascara and eye-shadows. He was wearing leather, skin-tight pants and one of his black t-shirt was almost torn to pieces. On a bare skin, there was something that looks dangerously close to blood; a mark made with claws across the belly. Sirius roared and his pointy ears laid still by the skull, his cheeks went darker with fur, jaw dropped and showed unhealthy fangs, sprayed with more blood, sharp like knives. There was a tail hanging loosely between his legs.

He was a werewolf.

Remus was mad.

He turned around and headed for the bar. Might as well go drunk, he telled himself and poured fire whisky into a cup. Facing a wall, he ignored shouts from James and Mary, who were navigating through the crowd with chalices full of punch.

It was stupid to say so, but he certainly felt Sirius roaming around the room, getting closer with each circle he made; casually talking with girls and boys that tried to convince him to dance. Bowie went on:

_Keep your 'lectric eye on me babe_

_Put your ray gun to my head_

_Press your space face close to mine, love_

_Freak out in a moonage daydream, oh yeah..._

"Moons" he heard from behind. Sirius grabbed him by the shoulder and turned around. He looked scary, soulless hunting monster. Why haven't the others seen it? Do other marauders see this when he changes? Rage boiled in Remus's guts.

"Moons" Sirius said again, his hands dropped to rest on his wrist. He took one step closer. The music was so loud they could barely hear each other.

"Look how prettey I am, look I - I am y o u for tonight" Sirius said.

Remus tried to break away, but Sirius stopped him in place. Not enough force, then. He twisted his wrist in a move he had learned in a world long forgotten and freed himself in seconds. Sirius did a silent "wow" on that and tried again to catch him, only to be pushed away. When Remus did so, some fake blood stuck to his fingers.

"You, you are disgusting" Remus spat. He wanted to say more, but the words lingered in his stomach like cold stones. For a moment, Sirius looked shocked, maybe even hurt. It was hard to say with black makeup around his eyes and fur on cheekbones.

"Now go away and wash it off before anyone asks any questions about werewolf habits and how they magically fit into my monthly absence. Before the real danger comes. Before you have to watch me in a cage in Azkaban" Remus said.

Sirius gasped and went back to what Remus was used to: anger.

"This way you thank me for all the effort I put into my costume?" he asked, showing his inhuman teeth, "I thought you would like it just like everyone else. Why can't you just have fun for once? James was right, you need someone to show you what you're missing."

And with that, he left. Remus, buzzling with emotions, refilled his glass and stole a cigarette from second-year boy sleeping on the sofa. As he looked for a lighter, James walked over to him and began mixing some strong alcohol with tabasco sauce.

"Care for trick or treating?" James asked.

"I think they are treting themselfs just right" Remus replied and took a big sip of his whiskey. Peter was kissing Desdemona at the bottom of the stairs to their dormitory and Sirius was posing for pictures with Lily, pretending to be the big bad wolf that tries to eat her. To murder her, Remus corrected himself furiously.  
He remembered that in this reality he did not need a lighter; this is no longer St Edmund's. He made a spark with two fingers, casting a spell without a sound. He lighted a fag and inhaled smoke deeply. Finally.

"I was thinking, you know, about pranks" James said with a smile and navigated Remus's hand to his mouth, taking a drag from a cigarette. "Sirius was saying something about dancing himself to death and Peter just silenced me when I wanted to drag him away from Desdemona so ... We only have one left to defend the honor of the robbers. Let's go to the dungeons and end this night well."

Well, they might. If this is Remus' last party before he gets kicked out of school, then what else could happen? He agreed with a nod. James went to their dorm and came back after half a song, tucking something under his robes.

"You have your wand with you, right? Come on" he said, and they both headed for the exit. Remus didn't turn, not wanting to see Sirius before they left. As they crawled through the portrait - the Fat Lady was mumbling something about trips so late - James pulled out his cloak and covered them. It barely covered them, a few centimeters more, and their shoes would be visible; luckily there were only two of them under the cloak. They walked steadily, carefully passing dark corridors. Ten minutes later, they were in the dungeons. It was freezing cold; Remus wondered if the Slytherins would ever get used to it..

"Right" James said, "you can pick: horned slugs or..."

"Slugs" Remus said without a second thought. They both grinned. James took out a small jar with howler in it from his pocket.

"Where did you get that?" Remus asked.

"Uhm, well... Lily sent it to me after I jinxed her hair. When flowers started to sprout straight from her head, remember? I kept it for special occasion."

"That was months ago. It didn't exploded yet?"

"I learnt a charm to keep it quiet" James said, proudly. "You just need to be pretty quick and catch it into the jar and then suck in all the air from inside. Sounds can't transfer in vacuum, right?"

"Clever you" Remus said with amusment. James pulled him to the rusty armor next to the entrance to the Slytherins and gently placed the jar inside.

"This will distort her voice. We don't want questions about why she howls in the dungeons at night" he said. Then he unscrewed the lid and pushed Remus aside, pressing them against the wall and trying to stay hidden.

"...OTTER! WHEN I SAID I LIKE FLOWERS, I DIDN'T MEANT IT LIKE THAT, YOU STUPID SMARTASS! YOU CAN FORGET ABOUT..."

As Lily's voice - or, some strange nightmare voice echoing in the armor - growed higher, there was some movement behind the entrance.

"What the hell?" Zabini asked as the gray stones began to crumble and curl, revealing the Slytherin common room behind them. Zabini left and James and Remus went inside. They heard yelling and rumbles of the armor, when other boy found the origin of the noise.

"Quick, up against the wall" wisper-shouted James. Remus was sobering up. Was it really such a good idea? They both stuck to the cold stones behind their backs and waited. Zabini came back after a while with strange look on his face. When he was in the dormitory, he said "anguis fragilis" and the entrance was blocked again. Remus repeated the password to imprint it in memory.

They watched as he hurried back to his room, leaving intruders alone. Remus let out a sigh of relief, followed by a quiet chuckle from James.

"Off to work" he said, and they began to tranfigurate objects into snails. Remus added another charm, stopping transformation mid-process and setting an alarm for when anyone from Slytherins' will touch it; only then it will fully transform into squishy snail. They worked in silence and in fifteen minutes almost everything they could think of was encharmed.

As they were about to leave, the door leading deeper into the dungeons opened.

"Shit" James mumbled. They froze under the cloak next to the cold fireplace, not daring to breathe too loudly.

"As I told you, my father was quite pleased with your upgrade on that elixir. It will serve well" boy, which they didn't recognize, said. He looked older, almost as if he graduate school already. After him, to the room walked Snape.

"I see" he said, "but I still wonder why the hell he needs it. Do your family have, ehm, problems you dare to share?"

"None of your business" stranger spat, "It's for a better cause, and when the time comes it will change the balance of power, which I can assure you of. We will remember that you have been very helpful, that is all that should matter now."

"Just remember, one drop from the fifth day before full, every day at the same time, the last one before transfor-"

"I remembered that well. You can go now, I'll walk myself back" the other boy said with an ugly grin. Snape hesitated for a moment before heading back to his room. The stranger followed the same route he had entered the dormitory, and it was only after the door had closed that Remus noticed that he had stiffened. James looked at him worriedly.

"You think what I think?" James asked quietly.

"Not here. Let's go before someone notice" Remus said and dragged James out. They walked back to the tower in dead silence. They stopped just before the painting, taking cloak off and tugging it back under the James' robes.

"We have to tell the boys," James said. Remus just nodded, not yet able to speak. They entered and stopped right away, because, well. When they were away, the party gone wild.

The dance floor was full of disguised people with Sirius in the center; he just started to howl, tilting his head back. Remus looked at James and they agreed to the tasks without a word. James moved to find Peter and Remus went straight to the dance floor. It took a while for him to get closer to Sirius. Before he could speak, the other boy grinned at him.

"Dance with me" Sirius yelled, swaying his hips toward Remus. Remus wanted to grab Sirius and lead him out of the crowd, but someone behind him pushed him and Remus fell into his arms instead. He felt Sirius' body pressed down against his. The music rumbled in his head like strong, intoxicating alcohol.

"You look like you saw a ghost" Sirius said . "You're gonna tell me everything right now, but first, please, just one more song before it all goes to hell? Don't look at me like that, I know something's wrong. One song, I know you want it."

Remus really didn't want to. He was still angry, he was scared, he was lost. Most of all, he was drunk.

He closed his eyes and finally began to move to the beat of the music; the second time that night telling myself that if this was all to end, it might as well end up with fireworks in his gut. He let the music take control of his body. They were both good dancers, but his moves didn't quite match with Sirius's. He opened his eyes.

Sirius's moves were a bit off, little slower than the rhythm T. Rex set. It was kind of hypnotizing, this way, almost animal- captured in slow motion. He pressed against him, pushing his hips forward, running his hands down Remus' back and sliding his fingers into his pants. They were obscene. Sirius didn't care. He put his mouth just below Remus' ear, licking as the fake fangs bit into his skin-

-werewolf fangs. Remus blinked, remembering. Fuck, fuck, fuck. They needed to leave right now.

"Sirius" he said, taking a step back. Other boy followed without hesitation. He led him out of the crowd and out. On the way, Sirius grabbed an unopened bottle of fire whiskey. When they met James and Peter at the picture, he didn't move away, still glued to Remus' side.

"Right" Remus cleared his throat, "we need some place safe, let's go to the astronomy tower, shall we?" They nodded in agreement.

At the top of the tower, it was surprisingly warm. All of sudden, Remus remembered he wears a makeup. He casted a silent cleaning charm, vanishing all the wax petals. They sat down in a small circle and Sirius opened the bottle with a soft click. James took it from him and drank it. Sirius lit two cigarettes, handing one of them to Remus. Peter coughed, as smoke went his way.

"Care to share?" he asked. "I left just when Desdemona wanted to make out in the girls' bathroom, you know. What was so important?"

"They are trying to drag werewolves on their side" Remus said before James even opened his mouth. Silence followed, so Remus explained what they overheard at the Slytherins. When Remus finished, Sirius was looking strangely out of place. He grinned.

"It means, Moony, it means there's a cure" he exclaimed. "There is a potion that can help you and Snivellus knows how to make it. We have to make him brew it for us. It changes everything!"

"What the hell" Remus said angrily. "The fact that I am a monster, as you reminded us earlier, is not the point. They want werewolves on their side, a pack of puppies on command. There are hundreds of them, you know, what could keep them from killing innocent witches and wizards?"

"How do you know how many of..." Peter said, but James hushed him.

"What we do know, is that they are preparing themselves. War might start sooner than we thought" James said and all three of them spoke at once.

"Yeah, but do they really understand what an alliance means? Will they listen?" Peter asked again.

"Hell, Petey, they're people. Why would they not understand? You think Remus wouldn't understand?" Sirius growled. Peter shuddered.

"It's not what I meant, I- I mean, Moony is educated and-"

"I can't believe you just said that," said Sirius coldly. James silenced them. "We need to tell Dumbledore, I think he left the castle last week for some meeting, but..." he said, voic cracking a little, but Remus zoomed out already.

He watched Sirius - his spell stopped working, his ears returned to normal, and his fangs turned to ordinary teeth - and thought about others. Do they live in forests? Or are they hiding in plain sight in towns and villages, among Muggles? He should know how to spot one, it won't be hard. Suddenly something made sense.

"I will go as offering of peace" Remus said hoarsely. He laughed. Sirius stopped what he's been saying and stared; he looked like someone hit him in the guts, he was almost fighting for air.

"I will go" Remus repeated, "That's what Dumbledore wanted all this time. His own trained puppy to play it's way into the pack and persuade them not to follow Dark Lord."

Peter got up.

"I have to throw up," he said, and ran out of the tower. James looked somewhere far away, behind their backs. It looked like he wanted to say something, but did not. He stood as well, took a deep breath and exhaled.

"Tomorrow. Our war starts tomorrow. I need to find Lily before she goes to sleep" he said finally with a sad smile and left. Sirius took a sip from the bottle. He toyed with her sticker without looking at Remus.

"What did you mean about the monster?" he asked after a moment. If it weren't for perfect hearing, Remus would have missed it.

"What?"

"You said that I proved a point. About- about you being a monster" Sirius said. Remus felt familiar rage coming back. Now, this.

"Don't pretend you don't know what I said" Remus chuckled coldly. He wasn't sure if he could stop now. "Besides putting me in danger with your stupid costume, why did you think I might like it? Choosing me to be your scary monster for Halloween? Am I that scary to you, even after six years?"

He was trembling. Sirius moved a little closer and Remus stepped back, showing teeth without thinking. Like an animal. He laughed again.

"You can't cure me into being a regular wizard, Sirius" he said. "After graduation, I will not be able to find a job. I'm not getting married. I have to register as half-breed, shit, by law I'm not even considered a wizard. I am a dark being, no more and no less. There are books - hundreds of books - on how to hunt me, how to fight me, and how to kill me. It's best to track me down right after the full moon when I change back. I'm the weakest then. All you need is a silver chain..."

"Remus, I-"

"Oh, shut up, will you? I don't want any sympathy coming from your pureblood, filthy mouth" Remus spat.

"You are beautiful" said Sirius finally, after what felt like eternity. Maybe it was. "You are the prettiest thing I ever met and all I wanted was to let you see yourself through my eyes. Be more like you, so you'd want to be with me. So. Guess it went terribly wrong."

What an insane prayer from a bloke who shagged different witch - or wizard, for all Remus might know - every two months. He just stared at him. Remus wanted to point on how exactly wrong it went, but something animal inside stopped him.

A spark of panic, for the second time tonight. If Remus had had time to think about it (he would often do so later), he would have fitted it all into a familiar pattern: adrenaline was racing through his veins; his senses were acute, yet he felt like a prisoner in his own body. He was trembling; his whole body waited for a fight or flight response.

However, he never ran away.

He grabbed Sirius by the wrists and pushed him over, pressing him tightly to the floor. He sat on the other boy's hips and leaned forward. They kissed, and Remus pressed harder as a moan escaped from Sirius' mouth. He rode him for a while, his robes tangled between them.

"You want that" Remus asked, voice strangely dangerous, pinning Sirius with his weight. Tomorrow he'll probably have bruises from uneven floor. Not that he cares. Sirius moaned again. Remus reached for him, unbuttoned his pants, and slipped his hand inside. His dick was already half-hard.

"Need to learn you right. Say it" Remus ordered.

"Beautiful" Sirius gasped.

"Monster" he replied, tightening his grip inside Sirius' pants and starting to move a hand up and down slowly.

"You should never forget: it's not lovely one night stand that ends once you have enough. I will never get enough. And then one night- one night it might be too much and too dangerous to show me you bare skin" Remus whispered.

Sirius fought to keep his eyes open. Remus felt stickness at his fingers; he stopped touching him and took his hand from Sirius' pants, brought it to his mouth, and slipped two fingers inside, making him suck on his own precome. He put them deeper, feeling wet tongue, pushing harder. Sirius tried not to gag, his hips jerking forward in an uneven rhythm.

"Look at you. I'm actually threatening you and all you can do is moan. You fall apart. I could tear you to pieces if I wanted to" Remus said. Had he? He couldn't stop himself from saying it, that's for sure.

He was getting hotter, like an animal in heat, blood being transferred all the way down. He took his fingers out, leaving trail of saliva on Sirius' neck and pressed there. Fast pulse delighted him, mix of excitement and terror like a drug. He was trying to concentrate: was it fucking or hunting? It seemed too similar. Remus kissed him again, their teeth colliding. He turned Sirius around, belly to the floor, with one smooth motion.

"Not here" Sirius plead weakly and tried to get up, but was pushed down again with inhuman force. He panicked, a spark of magic jumped from his shoulders and human form started to blur; he tried to animagus himself. Remus growled and pinned him tighter, grabbing his wrists with one hand and lifting them over his head. Sirius stilled.

"Now, now, be a good dog" Remus heard himself saying. Sirius turned around and their eyes met. His dark makeup was completely destroyed, but there were no fear; stubbornness, rather. Somehow, it made Remus change his mind.

"Kneel before me, let me see you" he said and stood in front of other boy. He moved closer, petting Sirius head lightly, tugging fingers into the black hair, pulling back. Remus took another step and unbuttoned his pants, then pressed his dick to Sirius' mouth. Sirius closed his eyes and licked him, but with another pull at his hair he opened them. He parted his lips a little, tip of a tongue outside. Remus smiled and slipped his cock all in; when he felt sharpness of teeth alongside, he growled. Sirius didn't gag this time. He sucked beautifully and so Remus started to fuck him in the mouth. He moaned and sped up. It was seconds before he came, making Sirius swallow all. They parted and Sirius fell down, breath unsteady.

"Fuck" Remus said, coming back to his senses. He kneeled before the other boy, afraid to hold him just yet. "God, did I hurt you? Sirius, I am so-" Remus stopped there. He could complete the line with many different endings, how could he possibly choose the right one? Sorry. Scared. Furious. Happy.

They were both a mess. Remus tried to clean them with a spell, but failed first time. He repeated the charm with more force ad this time it worked.

"Talk to me" he finally plead, looking at Sirius. Stubbornness.

"I learned" Sirius replied quietly. "The wolf will also learn, it just needs someone brave enough to learn from. I'm not leaving."

It was well after midnight; their war has started.

#### 1994

Oh, how he hated the map.

It reinvented itself, of course it did; magic of it's creator (and whatever James might have said, there was always only one) was more powerful than they thought - somehow indomitable, a beast well groomed. He still shivered barely touching the parchment, expecting the spell to devour anyone who dared to tear the it to pieces.

Not that he thought about it, no. Maybe.

But Harry somehow guessed how to cast it back to life, even though it should be useless now - empty, only with old professors' names on itself. Instead it showed next generations of students. How did it learned them, named them, started to follow each footstep?

Prof. Lupin wanted to scream, all of sudden. Long forgotten, this feeling. He pinned nails inside his fists, harder, so they left half-moons on a skin.

The map was lonely.

He sighed. It didn't matter now. He knew his name was the last one left on the map. Steps labeled "Potter" weren't what he could have looked for. Like Muggle telephone directories: over time, they become graveyards for people once loved and cared for.

He opened it anyway and saw ghosts.

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback is greatly appreciated, thanks!


End file.
